LOVE, Toxic Series, Vetting Series

7 dating mistakes I made

 

I was tired I was ran through (mentally speaking) did  I mention tired  lol ?

Why was I running into the same men like the exes I hated  ?

Why was the communication lacking  ?

how did  I miss the clues?

I didn’t listen to myself.

I had no game  plan.

I needed more time.

I needed to date more (yes more and often as much as you can)

Here’s the top 7 reasons why I failed with men, and how to make sure YOU avoid making every single one of these deadly mistakes.

MISTAKE #1 – Being Impatient To Get Into A Relationship

I thought I was ready to be a “coupling” I knew I was a catch and  had all my ducks  in a row  .

When I found  myself  coupling with anyone I ended  up being  unfilled,

sad, fat, angry  and broke.

When those relationships ended, it always felt like I had wasted a lot of my time. And then the quest for the next relationship would begin. The cycle of chasing another relationship just to “feel ok” would start all over again.

I was too impatient.

This problem is made worse when a seemingly great guy does come along. (Because we all know how common that is).

So we have the tendency to want to “cling” to the guy, or “try too hard” or be an “approval seeker” just so we can finally “get this guy” and end our drought once and for all. (this I later realized was a horrible form of codependency)

There are better ways to handle this.

 

 

 

MISTAKE #2 – Falling In Love With An Ideal
What I’ve notice women do is they’ll meet a seemingly great guy. She feels a DEEP level attraction that she hasn’t felt in a long time with anyone else. He ticks all the right boxes. And then within the span of a very short time she finds herself falling for him.

He’s probably extremely good-looking, successful, has a great personality, funny and most of all, she feels a strong attraction for him. Sometimes it won’t be all of this I am going to keep it real you let down all the walls and  he scratched the  itch you haven’t had scratched right  in forever.

As the relationship develops, she may even fall in love with him. Now the part that becomes unsettling is that, the guy may not even treat her very well. He may be a bit of a jerk, put little to no effort in, and basically only call her for cheap and easy sex.

Yet, when a woman feels a DEEP attraction with a guy, on a level she can’t even explain, she will often find herself making all kinds of excuses just to stay in the relationship with him. Sis if you were looking for a sign this is It it’s all in your head,

Yes even you MS. Masters degree, with your own place, luxury vehicle and  401k working at your fortune  500 company . It can happen to you.

BEWARE! What you’re doing is falling in love with an idea. The problem with this is most women in this situation want to believe a guy “can change” because he has “great potential”. Potential means  nothing for you in present  day . Potential is a possible for the future we are not and can’t afford the  liabilities working/ dating with a potential man.

 

MISTAKE #3 – Revealing Your Feelings Too Soon

Do not let them know your plan unless they reveal first.

I know that sounds childish but it’s to protect you.

I found  anytime I told a man what I wanted and  laid  my cards  and told them where my heart was; two things happened  1.) he used that to manipulate and  2.) he ran . (granted it’s nice when they run saves you time when they do so.) But emotionally speaking this can be draining for you to do this on something that doesn’t deserve it or if you aren’t  looking for the same thing.

Great men prefer a challenge. They don’t want things to be easy.

 

 

MISTAKE #4 – Ignoring The Signs He’s Just Not Into You
Men are sending signals all the time to a woman about how he feels about her. Now he may not even know he is doing it, but unconsciously the signs are there if you know where to look.

He’ll do this through:

Communication with you – what he talks about, the scope of his conversations and how often he initiates are all telling you something about how he feels about you.
Body language – how he feels about himself, his confidence level, how he treats other people, how he treats you
His emotional capacity – his capability to be emotionally available. Is he capable of talking about the deep and meaningful? Is he capable of opening up?
Belief about relationships – is he open to falling in love? In some stages of a man’s life he isn’t focused on being in a relationship and they tell you this  in so many ways , , a man will deliberately make himself hard to reach and unavailable. It’s deliberate.
Often, it’s not hard to figure out what a man is thinking, you simply need to use common sense and ask yourself: “In my GUT LEVEL, do I feel he is into me?”

it’s got to be a hell yes with you  no grey areas no questions  no lies.

We have this  wonderful tool within us called  intuition use it ladies. most of the time we know these things and  actively ignore.

 

MISTAKE #5 – Willing To Accept Any Offer A Man Gives You
If you would like a relationship with a man and yet settle for less, such as just being a casual hookup when he’s or you are  horny, then you’re really telling him that’s honestly  all you want  , need, or are looking for . Also, do not try to build a relationship with the  hookup guy they have a 3% success rate. When you are willing to accept whatever crumbs he gives you because that’s all you think you can get, don’t get mad  about it  level up sis. date like you are trying to get what you want  not a need that any man can give you any day of the week.

 

 

 

 

 

 

MISTAKE #6 – Not Saying What You Mean
Don’t  say, “I don’t want a relationship, I just want something casual.” When you actually DO want a relationship. Stop trying to be the cool around the way chill best friend girl.

it’s not cute, it’s passive, it’s very Pick me*, this also showing that you are not walking  in your truth

 

 

 

 

 

 

MISTAKE #7 – Not Having A Strategy & Knowing What To Do In Every Situation
Most women go into dating blind. They are not sure what they want, they don’t have a strategy and they often listen to their own misguided ideas about how to behave and act. people made fun of me when I created a list for myself  on my deal breakers.

Not having a strategy will cause you to run around in circles, waste a lot of time, and be emotionally drained when things go wrong. All because you didn’t know how to handle yourself. I had “pep talks’ with myself before I went  on every date. I had a escape plan and  I am a Virgo that is awesome at overthinking  lol.

This is especially important when you’re dating a man with experience. Experienced men know what they want, they know what to look for and they also throw out “tests” to see what kind of woman they’re dealing with. I have seen this on few occasions with dating  experienced men can be a good  thing and  can be bad  if you aren’t equally as experienced.

If you come in and basically try things on your own, you’re really shooting in the dark. Most likely you’ll get swept up in whatever strategy or game HE decides to play with you.

You can quickly divert this by having your own strategy, set things up so men know they are playing by YOUR rules, not theirs. Which means you need to have rules and a strategy to begin with. This is when standards come  in handy . Know what you want and mean it be stern and feminine.

 I wasted a lot of time, and one day, I just got sick of it and started with my rules

I have  spent the last 3 years delving deep into studying relationships, dating, psychology, human nature and self-development. I wanted to know why some people were successful in relationships and others weren’t. I wanted to know how attraction worked, how men think, how women think, and why women were constantly hit by the same problems over and over.

After a lot of observation, reading, listening and thinking, I started to come up with some revolutionary answers.

Over those years I watched myself transform into a woman who had confidence around men and understood exactly what made them tick. Now, I know how to handle myself in just about any situation with men.

 

 

 

*

A woman who wants the attention of the opposite sex (or same sex) so badly, she’ll throw her fellow woman under the bus. Internalized misogyny at it’s finest. Usually starts her sentence with, “I’m not like the other girls…”
Woman: *lives her best life*
Pick-Me: “I don’t drink, smoke, or have sex with random people like all the other females out there. Guess men only go for hoes instead of real women. I’m not like other girls…”
Women everywhere: SHUT THE FUCK UP
Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

About KayDarden

My name is Kay, I am a Proud Texan, Mom of 2 genius babies lol and a Fur-mom. I love Fashion, Tacos & shoes. But I have realized over the last few years I am a serial dater I have stories for days most are crazy, sexy cool lol. I started sharing them with friends a few years back and thought it would be neat to journal my lessons on my blog. On my blog, you get a view of crazy dating scenarios and the lessons I have learned from them all, Fashion ideas, and also my frustrations since I chopped all my hair off and went natural.
View all posts by KayDarden →

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *