LIFE, LOVE, Single in the city

Boundaries

With every ending of a relationship an awakening happens within me, of course, this wasn’t something I actually manifested until after the demise of Marcus and I. The ending of Nate “The Panamanian” gave me an awakening of Boundaries. shockingly this is also an act of Self-care. I created what I felt were boundaries on what I wanted and needed to have a healthy and happy relationship (clearly he crossed all of those hence why he is gone) One constant feeling I had was I was not being heard I was not being respected and my needs were not met nor executed not how I think it should have been but just not at all.

The boundaries I created and creating my own self-care:

-Saying what you want and knowing what you will accept and what you won’t accept.

I preferred romantic gestures I like to be communicated with. I enjoyed date night I enjoyed having memories and experiences with one another I enjoyed having deep-rooted conversations I like flowers I like Gifts of appreciation acts of love. These were boundaries that I said very early on in our relationship and at some point he wanted to waiver from them meaning he got to a point where he didn’t feel that it was necessary to continue to do those things for us to have a happy and healthy relationship.

-when they aren’t met you mention it confidentially and you stay firm in your beliefs

when I would mention a certain need of mine wasn’t being met I was met with silence, I was met with an expression that he seemed like he understood what I meant and where I was coming from and would provide me with what I would call an elevator sales pitch where he spoke words that sounded like he was going to fix things but he didn’t. Depending on which boundary he has crossed there were times where we would discuss it and he felt that I was demeaning him as the man, and I was putting him down , I was throwing shade his way. these would be the times that I would mention well if you are unable to handle my boundaries or meet the needs that I require to be with me you are always more than welcome to walk away from this relationship.

-Creating soft and hard boundaries (shifting your answers when they always expect you to waver to them /also you may need to end the relationship all together )

I honestly believe that he felt that these were things that I was going to waiver from ,one thing that always struck a chord with me was that he advised me he had never dated a woman that held him accountable nor had he dated a woman that actually wanted to be courted or to communicate as much as me a lot of the times their requirements were low or non-existent at all and so I think at some point he felt that I would waiver from all of these things that were important for me as far as my boundaries on having a happy and healthy relationship. The moment that he crossed the ultimate boundary for me I had to set a hard boundary which one in a sense the demise of our relationship.

One thing I realize I am a people pleaser and a lot of the times my bounadaries were always crossed. Especially towarda the end of the relationship

I know I love to be spoiled and Valentine’s day is a big deal for me Nate knew this and dropped the ball on both times he had the chance to do so. he didn’t want to work and he didn’t want to hold himself accountable. He honestly just did not want to respect my boundaries within the relationship and when it got to the point of me feeling like he was a mooch and the quality of our relationship I had to set the hardest boundary of all and end it altogether.

I remember meeting a new friend of my very best friend Heather and it was before Nate and I had actually ended our relationship. and I believe we were talking about the fact of Nate buying the flowers for Valentine’s Day and I remember her telling me about the the man that she was in a relationship with and she was like oh he never buys me flowers he doesn’t do things like that and I wish he did. I remember asking her what why don’t you tell him that you like flowers like why don’t you tell him that you like romantic gestures and things of that sort. her response to me was like oh he doesn’t do those things which I laughed at I realized something about Nate he didn’t do those things but you know he bought the flowers because that was a boundary of mine that he knew was a must for me I think when you set the expectations very early on of what your boundaries are as far as love relationship what you want to have is a happy and healthy relationship they are receiving a blueprint on you. now they have two choices one choice would be to respect your boundaries and execute accordingly the other option that they have is to not do it at all it’s going to be up to you whether or not you’re perfectly fine with consistently having your boundaries crossed you’re also a person not practicing self-care

About KayDarden

My name is Kay, I am a Proud Texan, Mom of 2 genius babies lol and a Fur-mom. I love Fashion, Tacos & shoes. But I have realized over the last few years I am a serial dater I have stories for days most are crazy, sexy cool lol. I started sharing them with friends a few years back and thought it would be neat to journal my lessons on my blog. On my blog, you get a view of crazy dating scenarios and the lessons I have learned from them all, Fashion ideas, and also my frustrations since I chopped all my hair off and went natural.
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