LIFE, Things I see

If You’ll … Then I’ll …

Fill in the blanks in the above sentence however you want.

Have you heard this often?

Do you say it often?

Do you think about it often?

This simple sentence is a contract that is often unconsciously created with people, and it can have a disastrous effect on your life.

Just the other day, I was thinking of the Panamanian and his favorite lines would be  If I did Something then he would react this way, it’s usually whatever he thinks I would have benefited from. I told him that my birthday, Valentines’ Day, Christmas, and our anniversary were important days that he showed love to me along with all the other days of the year and that if he brought flowers and took me out for dinner, then I would feel loved and cared for.

Guess what, There were more times than I would care to mention he dropped the ball on this request.

And I wonder if you can guess how I felt?

That’s right, rejected, unloved, unhappy and generally miserable.

And of course, he was oblivious to all this and had no idea what he had done wrong!

Everyone creates unconscious contracts, from childhood through to adulthood. You create conditions that rely on other people to perform certain actions in order for you to feel certain emotions.

In fact, you often create contracts with people and then don’t even tell them about it!!!

How on earth are they meant to meet these conditions if they are not even aware of them in the first place?

“If you do … then I will feel …”

“If you don’t do … then I will be …”

One that really stuck with me was when we were not having sex as often he gave me several excuses and then said he would be more enticed to have sex with me  If I lost weight.

What a fantastic contract to put on your Girlfriend … NOT!

What effect do you think saying something like that could have on a Relationship?

I will tell you how long, 3 weeks lol that’s how long I stayed before ending it.

You cannot make anyone else do anything; This means also that you can’t force people to do things that meet your conditions. You have no control over anyone else.

The only person you can control is yourself.

If you are going to make these contracts with people, then tell them. You’ll discover your relationships improve immensely because of it. Also, you may find these contracts are met more often because at least by being aware of it, the other person can attempt to meet it.

Watch yourself and see how often you say, “If you … then I ….” to yourself. What effect does this have on your life? Do these contracts make your life better or worse?

Stop making these contracts that make you unhappy and start making contracts that make you feel great and improve your life.

What if you had a contract with everyone that said something like, “If you are yourself and do whatever you do, harming none, then I’ll like you”?

Do you think that would make you feel better?

Removing these contracts allows you to practice acceptance. You can accept people for who and what they are and what they do. It allows you to get on with these people better, stops you from judging them, and stops you from allowing them to hurt you.

Accept the people around you for who and what they are and remove the contracts that you used to have. You will find that your quality of life improves because you are not allowing them to hurt you anymore.

About KayDarden

My name is Kay, I am a Proud Texan, Mom of 2 genius babies lol and a Fur-mom. I love Fashion, Tacos & shoes. But I have realized over the last few years I am a serial dater I have stories for days most are crazy, sexy cool lol. I started sharing them with friends a few years back and thought it would be neat to journal my lessons on my blog. On my blog, you get a view of crazy dating scenarios and the lessons I have learned from them all, Fashion ideas, and also my frustrations since I chopped all my hair off and went natural.
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