I’m sure you read a lot of times this sentence: you need first to love yourself.
But what does that mean? reading a book on self-love? Taking a weekend getaway with just you? Become sexually liberated?
Loving yourself means to learn to treat you like a loving parent would do with his child.
When you are an adult, and I assume you are, you still have an Inner Child inside you. These are your emotions. At that level, you still react like a child of 3-4 years old. Your emotions can not get older or mature. But you can get mature. You can learn how to respect them and how to handle them. You can learn how to take care of this Inner Child.
When you are not aware of your Inner Child, you try to live in an adult world like a 4-year old boy or girl. You feel all alone, afraid of the big nasty world there outside, not knowing what to do, where to ask for help, how to protect you. This is a very difficult way of doing. You will always feel afraid, fearful, doubtful, tired. It is hard to try to survive as a child in a grown-up world. You will feel angry and afraid most of the time and lost.
Why is that? Because nobody takes care of that Little Child inside you.
All these big emotions are attempts from your Inner Child to get your attention.
Imagine you have, besides your children, significant other, colleagues, parents, friends, a little four-year-old inner child you. Nobody ever notices her. Nobody takes care of her. Whenever she tries to tell something and get some attention, you shout to her “Shut up!”. You say “I have to take care of my parents, my work, my partner, my paperwork, my friends, my other children, my house… I don’t have time for you!”
How do you think she will feel? What do you think she will do? First, she will try to get your attention by showing big emotions. She will cry a lot, she will scream and shout, maybe she’s getting aggressive from time to time. You think you’re angry at the outside world, but it is Your Inner Child that is angry with YOU! She’s sad and angry because you don’t care about her! You act as if she doesn’t exist! Nothing is worse than acting as if our Inner Child doesn’t exist. This means trying to live as if WE don’t exist.
The worst feeling in the world is being unloyal to one’s self. Nothing is worse than this!
How many times did we ignore what we felt, to please someone else? How many times did we say to our Inner Child “Shut up, you are not important, the other one is far more important than you are, go away, I don’t want to hear you, I don’t want to see you”? Awful isn’t it? And we do this every time we let come to the desire of the other one before ours.
This little kid inside, what will she do? She will give up after a while. After trying a long time to show her emotions, she will give up. She will get very tired of all this and she will say:” It doesn’t matter, she doesn’t love me, she doesn’t want to take care of me, I’m not worth it”, and she will get depressed.
You need to learn how to be a loving parent for yourself.
What does that mean?
Loving yourself is listening to your Inner Child, taking his emotions seriously, understanding what he feels, and taking action in the desired direction. This also means that Loving yourself is having this dialogue with yourself every morning when you open your eyes, every evening when you go to bed, and every time you have an emotion.
Loving yourself is building a strong inner connection with yourself.
It is creating your own loving family, inside you. You will never feel alone anymore. You are already three! Call it your Trinity. Wherever you go, from now on you go with your Inner Family. You are not alone. Make sure you know that You are loved and you are protected. You listen to yourself and take care of that precious little child that has been waiting for so long to get your attention and love.
This is inner healing.