I always start this story the same with going into details about my ex-husband I’ve never told a full story just cliff notes when topics fit.
I sat down with my kids this summer and had to talk with them about me and why our father and I divorced. I didn’t make myself out to be a victim I didn’t shed a good light on myself to be very frank I was more so the bad guy than he was. I am never ready to have these talks but it came about when my son was angry I wouldn’t allow him to sit on his cell phone all day and not interact with me.
I can hear him scream now you cheated on my dad and left him high and dry he wanted us to be a family and you stabbed him and left him to be with other men.
Wow. That’s a lot to take in I know it took all the patience of 1 million mothers to calmly explain to my son why I left.
I was married from 2004 until 2015, from 2012 to 2015 their father and I was officially separated off in our separate homes living our separate lives. In 2010 for about 4 months up until April of 2011 we lived in separate states when we tried to reconcile I gave him 1 year to change and he continued to do what he had always done during our marriage and I allowed it to happen: cheat, lie, demean me and mentally check out from our marriage. When the one year was up I left he tried on several occasions from 2012 to 2015 to ask me to be with him again hit me with the charm it would last shortly for him to flip out and show his colors again. I was 17 when I met their father escaping from my own parents and looking for love from anyone that was willing to give it to me even if it was toxic. We were married barely a week before their father cheated on me and sent me pictures that sporadically happened from 2004 until 2012 when I had enough of the lies, the women the competing with these women and my mental health and self-esteem was gone.
I had three adult relationships with men that changed who I was as a person this is only a small piece of turmoil I allowed to happen with these men. I was hurt, bitter, of low value I was a hot mess. I needed to heal back in 2004 and I didn’t take the proper steps for my healing until 2016. This opened my mind on why I kept picking the men I picked why I was in the same headspace for over a decade and how I needed to forgive, learn and move forward with my life. My ex sadly to this day Didn’t get the memo on how to self-heal and get help and to this very day is still angry and bitter about things that happened almost 15 years ago.
I am not sure if Lance or Marcus have healed since I do not have any form of communication with them. However, it was interesting to have my ex-send me angry messages about what he felt that happened during my brief stint with him. WHich brought the questions damn, are all of my exes bitter? None of these men that sound angry like this about things that happened while we were together have done any bit of healing. It’s sad kinda, Imagine being angry at someone for years (hell a decade in most cases) meanwhile they are out living their life