There are a lot of things I need to unpack from my childhood and what event made me come to the realization with this was a small kick back with the Panamanians family. I’m ashamed to be even typing this blog but here we go.
His family celebrates literally the entire month they set up the tree, set up the lights have a lighting ceremony, movie night, there’s brunch, spa days, chill days, Christmas festivities, a birthday party for his grandmother and game night. Whew sounds like a lot huh? If you come from a family like mine it is seriously overwhelming since my family get-togethers are weddings, baby showers, graduations, funerals, and an occasional holiday get together .that only happens on my dads side of the family my moms is non existent since half of them are holding grudges about god knows what for about 2 decades . its sad its pathetic and up until two days ago I didn’t realize was something I needed to fix within myself on my ideas on what family is.
So picture it’s game night I didn’t get picked for the team and was ok with that I sat off in the corner on my phone buying stuff to push out for the end of the year on my new website. When he realized I didn’t get picked he said something no one did anything and I was still on my phone. His grandmother realized I was off in the corner and asked me to take her spot I stood up to do so and look at the younger cousins of the family and the look on their faces were like nope , naw, uh no so I said no grandma that’s fine it was me and her nicely going back and forth her asking me saying no. Until I firmly stated no advised it is ok and walked into the kitchen .
This was later to be deemed disrespectful (no one tells her no and it’s not ok if you do) So then I had to deal with his anger and he wanted to leave at this point I left with him and this was also deemed bad that I didn’t say bye to anyone. He and I had a long discussion I came back and apologized to his family and still felt that there was something off about the whole ordeal. His grandmother told me she thought I was a nice girl and this changed her mind about who I was because I said no)
Fast Forward to us prepping for Valentine’s day.
I hate surprises I always have and more than likely always will. the weekend came and at the very last minute he advised me he had to work great I am mad I flip out he shuts down and doesn’t return my call for the weekend to come back and tell me that I emasculate him, demean him and I am always throwing shade or think that he can’t just be a man on his own two feet. I should have left him at this moment but this started what I call his “elvator sales pitch” he word vomits the same words to get me to stay and work out things with him. He also began to lock his phone lie about his money he was making and just dipping out and not really invested in the relationship. I stopped cooking and doing things for him and this was also when he came to me about his finances how he needed to pay the child support off and his probation he told me was good . I was told I needed to be patient and that he did something for valentines day.