I left a Toxic Relationship 3 years ago, 2015 I crossed the Texas state line for the first time in almost 7 years I felt a sigh of relief, I had clarity, I was less stressed and shortly after my phone dropped and cracked into a million pieces Some would take that as a sign to go back but it gave me a sense of optimism (I upgraded my phone later that week lol). My best friend Heather tried her best to sit down and have a talk with me since she too had been recently single and the best advice she gave me was to not move too fast I didn’t listen nope not one bit.I went full steam ahead and had several crash and burns over the course of the 3 months she let me crash at her place. Once I moved to my own space I had a lot more time to be alone with my thoughts and I went through Trials and lots of errors, I realized where I went wrong with dating and why my last 2 relationships were all total flops.
Jumping Too Fast
I thought I knew exactly what I wanted, I know I needed to be out on the scene, and I thought I was ready. This couldn’t be furthest from the truth. I honestly needed to sit down and Heal and I know people say you can’t put a time on when you are ready to go back out there but honestly and truly you definitely need a time if you don’t you will be faced with back to back flops or your mind will not be clear enough to know the difference between someone good and another toxic mate. You need your mind clear and ready to take anything that may come your way. One thing I realized that at some point I became very cynical and negative about dating and every little bit of something that reminded me of my ex no matter what it was I immediately cut them off. Now, this could be a good thing but I was cutting men off for small stupid reasons and honestly had I healed I would have known the difference much better and would have more adapt to respond and communicate to them better.
Self -Esteem is Esteem of your Mother fucking self
Healing yourself, getting your ducks in a row mentally is also a must before jumping on to any dating site, speed dating event, or getting set up on blind dates by your friends. We get it your mind is so fucked up from that last relationship that everything triggers even simple stupid things. Self-esteem is your own feelings about you No one and I mean no one should hold the key to how you perceive yourself definitely not that toxic person you have left behind.Take control of your abandonment issues and how you perceive yourself before you allow anyone to try to love you again this is something that could sabotage something great without you even realizing it until it is too late. One thing I noticed with me, in particular, have I stalked them smh yes I am honestly thumping myself as I type this. I wanted to know who his friends were on Facebook (I am discussing the men I was dating at that time ) I went through to look at the type of women he added on Facebook and compared myself oh it was so bad and borderline questionable of my actions now that I think about it.It didn’t help that during y last relationship I had gained about 100 pounds during it so I was coming out the gate very self-aware about my weight. This is something that is really important that you need a grasp of your Esteem and love you first well before you allow to love another. Get ready for Part 2 of this series.