Day 9: In Chapter Six, I talk about the end of a relationship that sent me spiraling into a dark place. Talk about a heartbreak of your own that you experienced, and what it taught you, about yourself and about life.





Luckily, I have not reached a dark place after anything has ended with My Ex-husband, Lance or Marcus. However, I had a Situationshiop that made me question dating in a whole.

I will call him Mr. Big

he was charming and hit all my marks on my ” man checklist”.

he was also a chauvinistic Pig who gave me (up until I met the Panamanian )the best sex I’ve ever had and would ruin my whole mindset with men and with dating and made me question who I was as a person.

I met him October 2015 officially but we had been talking at least two months on Plenty of Fish we finally decided to stop with the back and forth messages and finally set up a date. We ended up going bowling having some drinks, we actually had a great time and it ended with a nightcap yes so my initial first dating experiences moving back to Texas I actually broke one of my rules that I later put into a place for this very reason I’m explaining right now. Our relationship if you want to call it that lasted a little over 11 months and he had me fooled but he also made me realize a lot of things one of which is doing relationship things and you’re not in a relationship is a huge NO NO SIS. I mean this to say we took trips we had dates we spent the night at each other’s houses we cooked for one another there have been a couple times where he paid some bills, brought me gifts, and even had the nerve to bring me around his family.

I say this to say to be very careful and take heed to men who do these things but with no title so during the course of all of this, I was continuously asking for a title (Another thing  in the future make what you want in the end very clear and  if  he doesn’t want a title to walk away.) which he refused to give me and I also continue to stay in the circumstance so imagine my” surprise” one late one night I was looking on Instagram and for whatever reason I ran across another  one  of his skeletons popping out of the closet .over the course of the past few weeks a lot of skeletons have been slowly dropping out of the closet as far as his life goes one of which I noticed on his Snapchat he mentioned a drink that he was holding and he was like babes favorite drink when I inquired about it further he proceeded to block me on Snapchat red flag number one. The second incident that occurred shortly after I  was looking on Instagram and I noticed one thing, in particular, a young lady had commented so of  course, I proceeded to go over to her page nothing out of the ordinary just regular things and then when I got to scrolling a little farther down I found a picture with her and his mother and she called her his her mother-in-law red flag number 2 we spoke for about a couple of hours and to my surprise I find out that they had been in a relationship for the past three years they were set to buy home together they were engaged.

What was so interesting about this story was even until the very end the woman that he was in a relationship the one that I would say he felt like he may have possibly loved her at the very end he still lied about who she was and of course you know I walked away from the situation I think it took me a lot longer than I realize to understand and actually value my worth but walking away from that it changed my whole mindset and strangely made me a lot stronger than I’ve ever felt within the past two or three years since I have been single. Six months later I was intrigued and I was interested I don’t even know what it was about it that made me want to go look and go look at her social media. I was always wondering in the back of my mind why her I mean I kind of knew why you know she was exactly everything that he described he wanted in a mate (FYI the opposite of me) I looked and saw that you know they were still together and they were taking vacations and she was in love I just wish she realized her worth like I did.