Toxic Relationships and loving you first
As I discussed in Part one of the Toxic Series self-esteem is really important to have before jumping back on the dating scene after leaving something toxic. Self-esteem and Validation go hand in hand if you are not careful .When you refuse to allow a chance for healing you are allowing yourself to be validated by other people. I get it.I am a giver that’s always has been my personality trait making others happy and making them feel great (Perhaps could be the Virgo in me lol )
There’s Definitely a thin line between being a helper and having all of your worth in the hands of someone else. We all want that feeling of being loved and appreciated that is just human nature this is a peace of our self-worth. One thing you may notice was all the hoop jumping and all the hard working you were putting in to get this persons gold star and they ended up just doing the opposite of this (Invalidating every feeling you have ever felt) The moment you think you are doing great or trying your best they came in like a wrecking ball to tell you nope not this time.
White and Shining Armor ? or a Fuck boy in Tin Foil?
The biggest mistake I have always made was thinking that every man I have ever met would save me. I am not sure from what I had at that time, taken care of myself all alone for a great amount of time and was fully capable of doing so for the future perhaps a piece of me craved the family unit for my children and to just not be alone ever again but seeking this right after my relationship ended was the mistake I made . I wanted to feel again to be happy again and I held all my happiness in the hands of any man that came across my path after doing this a few times and one lasting over the course of a year I found that validating myself in others served me no purpose when I didn’t have my own self-esteem and own self-validation intact. The thing is all of those things I mentioned has nothing to do with another person and everything to do with you. You will have to realize who you are and what you bring to the table, you will need to feel confident in your own skin, and anything you are not happy with you to need to set aside time to fix or make changes in your life to make it where you are happy. NEVER LEAVE THIS IN THE HANDS OF ANOTHER PERSON.
Reclaiming my Time
Reclaim all of the time you had in your past relationshiop by bettering yourself, not for them but for you. You can not get over anyone by sliding underneath another (Trust me on this lol) your recovering is about reclaiming everything bad that happened while you were with them and gaining a brand new you. You got this boo!