this was the topic of my most recent meditation:

be grateful not guilty for life lessons.

This affirmation/meditation topic could not have come at a better time for me in my life recently. I have been processing a lot of things that have transpired with the break up with Nate and myself and one of the things that transpired after everything was he went to his card company and disputed every charge during the relationship where he paid for it. Which gave me the idea that like previously when we dated he paid for nothing and he did not feel like he needed to pay for anything going for it nor did he need to pay for anything during the relationship I reached out because I was not pleased with finding that on uber eats most importantly because I thought it was very Petty and disgusting that he disputed charges for food that he ordered through the app on my account and he paid for it while we were together. The thing that was the most triggering and disgusting for me was listening to this man still upset that I questioned whether or not he loved me I say all that to say I have always been very transparent with my relationships and the mistakes that I made during said relationships and how I’m trying to become more accountable to ensure that I’m not making those same mistakes again I felt guilty after every transgression after everything that was awful that happened in those relationships because I felt like it was my fault on why they happened had I been more awake had I been more confident had my self-esteem been attacked this would not have happened to me studies have shown many women that I have come across with from all types of walks of life CEOs of Fortune 500 companies they still manage to go through the exact same thing that little old me is going through as well. So no one is exempt from having a man come into their life and do things that are disturbing their peace. So I am going forward going to continue with the mindset that yes certain circumstances with people may not have ended well but you certainly have a life lesson to be learned from that particular incident in your life and that has always been my mantra and that has been most recently the mindset that I tried to stay on. I think adding on the fact that I should also be grateful that I was able to live after a man beating me and choking me until I blacked out. I am grateful that I have people in my corner that if the chips are down and everything is madness and mayhem that they have my back. That tells me that I am on the right path to finding someone that can give me everything that I need if not more and do it without a second thought and that it comes naturally to them I’m grateful for all of those incidences that have happened in my life that is just the stepping stone to bring me closer to what I actually want and deserve.