Life can be a wild ride, and sometimes, it throws unexpected curveballs our way. 

The Storm of a Breakup

It’s crazy as it sounds, I try my best to remain rounded and grateful after I sift through any storm that I go through in my life. The ending of the relationship with Larel was no different. I wish I had someone that was willing to weather the storm with me and stay there to see the rainbow after. I’ve always felt deep regret and I thought to myself that there was always something that I could have done differently to ensure that the relationship remained.

I will be dishonest to say that I didn’t want to be his wife and dare I say I wanted to give him kids, but that’s life, right? You never know what may happen, and things can change at the drop of a hat. And as much as I wanted that particular relationship to work out, I am standing here grateful today that it did not. I would have been settling, and I would not have been happy.

Discovering My Desires

I want to travel to places and I want to build memories and experiences with my partner, something I would have never been able to have with him. I love eating and experiencing different types of foods from different places; my palate is very open (lol), something I would not have gotten to experience with him because not only was he picky, but his palate mirrored that of a toddler.

I’m ambitious, and I’m always striving to learn better and elevate myself; he did not. I’m grateful that I did not continue to stay in a relationship with a man who was not ambitious. I wanted to be loved out loud and scream from the mountaintops; he tried to advise me that this was a personality trait of his and this is why he did not do these things. However, he did these things for his ex-wife, again something I am keeping in mind—if they do it, that means they want to.

Defining My Dating Standards

All of the things that I want from a partner, he either at some point pretended that he was that, or he was not giving that to me at all. I needed this lesson to ensure that I’m standing in my beliefs, and I’m grateful for at least that particular aspect.

Unveiling My Dating Wishlist

 Being in this relationship with him made me realize that I wanted someone who was willing to build lifelong experiences with me—that means going out on dates, going on trips, and traveling. This also made me realize that I wanted someone who was emotionally intelligent; he refused to go to therapy.

I want someone that is accountable and has an understanding that if things are not working out in their life properly or correctly, they’ll do what they need to do in order to take care of themselves. I also want someone who takes their health, along with their mental health, seriously.

My Non-Negotiables

 I also understood that if I were to ever get sick, he would not genuinely take care of me. This is something that I didn’t realize that I needed before, but it is very, very important to me now.

I also need someone that’s going to be my cheerleader because I’m going to be yours, and not in a conditional way; the support should be unconditional. I want someone to love me out loud, not privately, not with only a certain amount of people knowing. Must be similar values online as offline.

Family and Friendship Values

I want someone that has friends, actual friends that they’ve built connections with; they’ve had longstanding friendships for years. I don’t want it to be friendships for a matter of convenience. I’m not interested in any more men who have best friends that are women that they used to sleep with. Now, if I ever come across any man that has that, I’ll definitely not continue to date him.

I want someone that has a connection to their family. I’m not interested in any man that has daddy issues or mommy issues, especially if they’re not going to therapy to remedy those issues. 

DADs

If you have children, I want to ensure that you’re actively involved in their life financially, physically, and emotionally. If you do not have children, I want you not to want any more (lol). I want someone that wants monogamy, someone that wants to be a husband, someone that meets my match sexually.

I want someone to have their own identity, and their identity isn’t based off of the relationship. They are their own separate person, confident, ego intact, loving, and kind, separately from me and this relationship.

A Journey

So, here I am, on this crazy journey of self-discovery, gratitude, and clarity. I’ve learned that it’s okay to have standards and desires, and it’s absolutely essential to stay true to myself. This breakup, as painful as it was, has pushed me closer to finding self love. 

Stay tuned for more adventures, mishaps, and life lessons as I navigate the eccentricities of life. Thanks for joining me on this ride!