When we initially entertained the idea of moving in together at the end of the year, I made the decision to downsize and move into my own apartment, while Sigma chose to renew his lease. Little did I know that this seemingly coincidental turn of events would become a blessing in disguise, allowing us both the space and time to discover ourselves before taking a significant step forward.
Nearing the Arrival:
As the days drew closer to the anticipated arrival of my children from North Carolina, the strain on our relationship became more apparent. Our arguments, although less frequent, retained the same intensity as before. One recurring issue that fueled our disputes was social media. I couldn’t help but feel like a secret, hidden away from Sigma’s online presence while he projected an entirely different version of himself to the world. His profile hinted at a non-monogamous lifestyle.
The Unsettling Reality:
One particular source of contention revolved around Sigma’s women friends, many of whom he had sex with. The thought of these relationships haunted me, as I longed for a love that was exclusive and unwavering. The frustration and yearning for affection grew stronger, especially after experiencing Sigma’s lackluster attempts on Valentine’s Day. It was during this time that I began to feel a sense of detachment and boredom in our relationship.
A Mental Shift:
As the summer approached, I found myself disengaging from the relationship on a mental level. I stopped bringing up my concerns and chose to retreat within myself. It was during this period of self-imposed silence that I couldn’t help but notice the transformation in Sigma. He appeared genuinely happy and at peace within our relationship. This realization prompted me to question whether our contrasting desires and needs were simply irreconcilable.
Discovering My Own Desires:
The growing realization of my own needs and desires compelled me to embark on a journey of self-reflection. I craved love, transparency, and emotional fulfillment. Recognizing that these vital components were missing from our relationship, I made the difficult decision to prioritize my own happiness and personal growth. With each passing day, I gained the strength to focus on my own well-being.
