Now I’m going to start

and say that during my marriage and after, I was  very vocal about my relationships and put every  detail on social media.

One reason :It was also a running joke

 that I was more or less desperate for any man connection. so, what I thought it would be better to  share my dating stories only and keep my committed relationships to myself.  The Sigma said something to me that was a little concerning I don’t add people I’m in relationships with onto my social media.

Now while I was dating

I did the same but not necessarily people I was in relationships with . One of the reasons I stopped doing this was because a lot of the men couldn’t separate Online Kay VS. Real Life Kay.  I’m pretty vocal sometimes, a little crude, and pretty fucking hilarious.

A lot of my conversations

 can be sex based and if you are a man of a certain type of mental capabilities you’re going to only focus on that and not anything else. I found myself a lot of the times the men would want to talk about my Facebook posts but never want to talk about the social justice issues I’m bringing up, inequalities within the black community. but they do want to talk about the conversation of me purchasing a very large dildo LOL.

So I made a decision to not

add the men that I was dating onto my Facebook. So I want to make this very clear that I didn’t have an issue with him not doing that early on but once we were in the one-year Mark of the relationship I was kind of hoping that he would change his mind about that or at least if we’re not on each other’s Facebook that he would at least acknowledge that he was in a relationship or have a picture of me or two posted on his social media profiles.

We went back and forth

about this for quite some time even so much so that the conversation trickle down to his best friend. He put something in perspective for him and advised him that hey if I was a chick and I was scrolling through your Facebook I would think that you’re single you don’t have anything on there stating that you’re in a relationship you don’t talk about your relationship and there’s no pictures of Kay anywhere on your Facebook. Which brought me to question that hey you’re allowing an Open season into your inbox I already knew the kind of person he was before I got to a relationship with him and we were still in that phase of him figuring out the whole monogamy thing and it would be months before it would actually register for him after this particular incident.

Now keep in mind

and please remember that these blog posts are all in real time so this blog post is from 2021. Now when he put it in perspective for him that way it made perfect sense the only way that you could build a strong and solid foundation is to create a safe environment in your relationship.

And if we’re going to be very honest

when it comes to the roles of social media and how he moved  I didn’t feel very safe and it was honestly bringing up a lot of insecurities for me. I try to do my best to manage insecurities I have especially for things that usually the other guy has no control over or he didn’t have anything necessarily to do with it it is all on me at that point.

But if all I’m asking

for is some form of acknowledgment and you’re not wanting to do that and you’re dragging your feet it will cause me to take a step back in the relationship and kind of think about what exactly I was doing and what I was looking for. I definitely did not want to feel like I was being kept a secret.

So to appease me and the relationship

he posted a picture at this point I was okay with it but as weeks and months went on he resented me brought it up at every opportunity that we had a disagreement or an argument on how I forced his hand compared me to his ex-wife because this was a huge factor in their relationship .This wasn’t an incident that we necessarily communicated with nor did we work through it to find a solution.

This was one of those things

that just got swept under the rug only for it to reappear a few months later again because I found him liking chicks pictures leaving certain type of comments under chicks pictures on IG making Facebook post that weren’t really of a dude that was in a relationship. Now granted my Facebook post they are way out there but I’m honestly not asking questions on the sexual tip to have people that are on my Facebook friends answer it I’m not doing anything they will give any sort of person and indication that it is perfectly okay for us to have that conversation in my inbox versus them having the comment section to utilize that conversation.

This was brought to his attention

and it also brought up a lot of things to my attention about the friend circle that he had around them. I noticed that he had one guy friend all the rest were women a good majority of these women were women that he had previously slept with and he used the term which I don’t particularly like to use this term so loosely and called them all friends. that was a whole other debacle that we had to sift through only for him to come around and realize what the term friend means months later. I mean I guess better late than never?  Deep sigh welcome to the life of a Virgo.

Now of course

this is going to be a story for another day on how we came around from this because eventually at some point we will but it did make me question a lot of things about myself and how I needed to meditate solely for myself and dig deep within myself and regain my self confidence I refused and I was not going to lose myself in this relationship I was going to walk away from this relationship healed confident and loving myself.