So during the break, we continued to remain in contact with one another; we attended our respectful therapy sessions and worked on establishing and rebuilding a foundation of friendship because this was not something we previously had. The Sigma assumes that if we did, in fact, build a friendship before getting back into a relationship, it would definitely ensure that we have a stronger bond as well as a more substantial foundation. So after about a month, he came back to me and asked me to be his girlfriend, gave me the key to his apartment, and advised in a couple of weeks that we were going to attend Thanksgiving with his best friend and his best friend’s wife now I’m going to be very very honest I usually do not mingle with the friends of my significant others. If we’re also going to be open, all of my significant others I had also did not have friends in the past. I always have this misconception that the friends technically never really care about you; they’re really going to be on his side, and at this point, there are a lot of factors about him that were profoundly concerning for me even though we were currently in this moment getting back together.
Out of all the times throughout the relationship, this was one of the times that I felt like he was not all the way in and he was really trying; it felt to me to emulate a lot of what his best friend was doing. His best friend had a wife they had been married and together a really significant amount of time; they had a beautiful daughter; they seemed to have a pretty good handle on their marriage and their relationship, but I could I got the feeling from him that he really placed these two factors on a very high pedestal. I couldn’t possibly fathom that they would be people that would make excuses for his behavior and how he’s acted because, in the past, the men that I did date or the men I was in relationships with, which weren’t very many that had friends were fully aware that their friend wasn’t emotionally stunted toddler and they still rocked with them. I personally cannot relate to those types of situations.
My friends hold me accountable, especially when I do some out-of-pocket things. Not everyone is afforded that luxury, and a good portion of the time, people usually surround themselves with people or friends who agree with everything they say. I’m incredibly transparent when I talk to my friends. I’m giving them the whole story, and I’m also giving them the part of the story that doesn’t put me in the best light, but honestly, I can’t get great advice if I’m giving pieces of stories. We got to a point where we attended Thanksgiving; it was rough; his friends were great, and they were highly hospitable hosts, but there was just something about the last month as well as this interaction during Thanksgiving, that it just didn’t feel to me like he was really in. I’ll also say this was around the time that he started to stop doing a lot of the things in the relationship that he was doing before mostly planning birthdays planning anniversary dinners planning Valentine’s Day. He made it clear that these days were unimportant to him, with no reason to celebrate them, and he was putting his foot down on them. How would our anniversary come about?
Our conversation after getting back together seemed like the moment we were together again; problems were arising. I was also thinking a lot during this time about how we probably should not have gotten back together and that this would definitely not work. I was much happier when I was single, and I couldn’t get out of my mind that he consistently called me a financial liability. He didn’t think of himself as an emotional liability at all.
