Fresh starts and clean slates

So I Decided  after 3 months of just fucking , not going on dates,  not knowing anything about the officer; that I wanted something more of substance. I’ll be honest I was bored with our 5 minute phone calls talking about nothing (I call these  his bread crumbs  conversation we discuss nothing  past surface  level but  he just wants  his spot  saved) . I was bored listening to him lie about being in love with me. I was bored listening to him blame his job on why he couldnt see me and I was bored with him being emotionally unavailable and pretending like he was this mysterious man. I was bored with the fact of the sex with him and that he forever and  always had some shit go on in his life. I’m just tired. I saw a post on Facebook a few weeks back when I decided to end it and block him :

I’ll never be more thankful than for the day when I decided to love myself more than I loved someone else. Looking back I would have loved this person until there was nothing of me left. I would have sacrificed myself. And knowing what I know now. Even then it wouldn’t have been enough. I will continue to keep making the decision to love myself more so that in the end there is always something left for me❤️

If I run across the post I’ll re edit it and give credit but I needed to see that and the sign. One thing I was grateful for during dating Nate was I didn’t give him all the love and have nothing after to love myself. When it did end it hurt but it didn’t destroy me like it did with lance and Marcus and my ex husband. I am thankful for all the lessons this dating journey has placed before me and I love the fact that when something tosses my energy off I cut it off quick and not go through the mess and hope he will see my worth in the end. No more hope dating.

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