Since Thursday, May 11th, 2023, (This blog was created 5/14/23) my world has been in turmoil. I thought I was confidently moving past a challenging phase in my life, trying to rebuild and move forward. However, that night, something inside me snapped, and I lost control.
Without a clear reason, I found myself consumed by anger when he went out late that evening. It was a feeling I couldn’t explain, and it left me embarrassed and bewildered. In the past, I had resorted to destructive behavior, but this time was different. I oddly took out my frustration on his room, placing everything I touched into plastic bags. It’s a moment of my life I’m deeply ashamed of, admitting to something I thought I had outgrown.
In response to my actions, he called the police, hoping they could intervene. However, when the authorities arrived, they found no substantial damage and advised that not much could be done. He even attempted to have me leave and find somewhere else to go, but I declined.
The following morning, we had a conversation that felt like progress, but the truth remains that I’m disgusted with myself for ever being in a relationship with this man.
I’m angry at myself for giving him any of my attention, but I’m also aware that one day, I’ll need to forgive myself. It’s a journey I’m not ready for yet, but I hope to reach that point in time.
Today has been a better day. It’s Friday, I managed to get some much-needed rest, and I’m feeling improved. I’ve decided to take each day one step at a time, focusing on healing, self-discovery, and ultimately, self-forgiveness.
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